I walk into what feels like a miniature classroom and squeeze
myself into one of the open T-shaped desks. I’m nervous, but I have no reason
to be. I look over at my best friend of the past thirty years, she smiles at
me, and I realize that she is likely picking up my vibe. She called one evening
a few weeks ago and convinced me to attend this seminar because of her
experience working as a prosecuting attorney in the crimes against children
unit. Knowing her, it is clear that she wishes to protect me and my children from
the possibility of future heartache through education, so declining the
invitation was out of the question.
The instructor steps up to the podium and brusquely announces
that 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are sexually
abused. To make matters worse, she adds, most abusers are not strangers but
rather family, babysitters, or close family friends. I sit up straight in my
petite desk and realize that the instructor has captured my complete attention along
with every other parent in the room.
The instructor, a childhood victim herself, speaks of the
horrors she encountered when someone she knew sexually abused her. She stands
bravely in front of the class retelling the painful experiences of her youth,
and I suddenly realize why I was nervous. This is scary stuff! It is
frightening enough that every parent should hear. She gracefully moves from her
anguish to a list of practical and powerful tips to preventing child sexual
assault. Below are a few things that you can do to prevent your child from becoming
a victim:
1.
Teach
your children a NO SECRETS Rule and lead by example. The phrase, “we don’t keep
secrets in our family” should be stated and restated just as often as other
safety rules are reiterated such as “don’t touch a hot stove.” Sexual abusers
try to convince their victims to keep the abuse a secret, and the no secrets
rule prevents this from happening. They threaten that if the secret isn’t kept
something will happen to them or someone else that they care about, i.e., a
family member. Now, you may be thinking: what about if I buy Daddy a gift and I
don’t want him to find out, how do I ask my children to comply? The answer is
that this is a “surprise” not a secret.
2.
Teach
your children that they are the boss of their bodies and others are not allowed
to touch their private parts (use the anatomically correct terms) other than a
doctor, mommy or daddy when those people are trying to clean, wipe, and/or keep
their body healthy. Children with this knowledge are less likely to be victimized.
3.
Teach
your children to use anatomically correct terms for their body parts. It is
easy to practically incorporate the words vagina or penis into the mix when you
are teaching your children about their other body parts, ears, eyes, elbows,
knees, etc… The reason being that if your children aren’t using the proper
names for their body parts, you may not recognize if they are trying to tell
you that they have been sexually abused, i.e., “Grandpa ate my ‘cookie’ when I
was at his house.”
I wanted to write this blog for the same reason that my
friend wanted me to attend the seminar. Knowledge is power, and every parent should
be armed with this knowledge. I can’t fathom the grief and anger that I would experience
if I learned that my child had been sexually assaulted. It would be
devastating. It is a cruelty that no child or parent should have to bear.
My hope is that these three simple tips will keep your children and your hearts
safe. If you wish to learn more
prevention tips, you can find information on the workshop that I attended here.
Embrace Your MOMentum
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