Traveling with Kids: A Little Empathy Please

I hear my name being mispronounced over the airports loud speaker as I race down the concourse anxiously scanning the gate numbers. The wheeze of my breath and pain in my chest annoyingly remind me of my body’s need for exercise. I round the corner and see the gate attendant waving me onto the airplane. Winded, relieved, and sweaty, I collapse into my chair, push my Devyn Bag underneath the seat in front of me, and say to nobody in particular, “I can’t believe that I made it!”

In all the years of what feels like endless business travel, one would think I would be used to this, but somehow I’m not. I shut my eyes, try to find my Zen spot, and hear the high-pitched and deafening shriek of the toddler sitting in front of me. My eyes pop open just in time to catch a flight attendant rolling his eyes in obvious irritation followed by a nearby passenger’s loud and unabashedly indiscreet telephone discussion complaining about the “screaming child” on the airplane. I look over at the passenger next to me, and see anger written on her face as well. I feel the tension around me, and apparently so does the child’s mother, as her words of threat and punishment boom for all to hear. It seems that she is making a valiant effort to appease the judges that surround her. I catch a glimpse of her mortified expression, and I feel instant empathy.

My children are generally quite good traveling on airplanes, as the excitement of the journey and an array of new toys (always a must for long travel) seems to appease, but I know the realities of traveling with children. Despite our best attempts to pacify, our children have minds of their own, and there are days when nothing works. This is what pervades my thoughts as I inspect the blatant and infuriated reactions of the passengers and flight crew. In truth, I would prefer to fly in peace and quiet too, and I can understand that a 2 hour flight with a screaming child is tough on the nerves. I also understand that many passengers are far from their child raising years. However, it is really so hard to sympathize? Is it truly such a formidable task to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes?

Then it strikes me that the child has calmed. The screeches that permeated the beginning of the flight have subsided, and yet, the flight attendant continues to joke about the howling child as he hands drinks to the passengers.  The passengers encourage this by eagerly engaging in the banter. I glance over at the mother of the child in question and see her look of embarrassment. Now I’m mad. I want to shout: Have some compassion! Have some respect!  

Traveling with young children is tense, and it is rarely without its challenges. I for one have no desire to make it more stressful by adding insult into the equation. Instead, I believe that we should offer our admiration for mothers and parents everywhere that choose to give their children the gift of travel. We should appreciate the brave parents that offer their children the experience of other destinations and cultures. After all, not everyone has the luxury of travel. Let’s support their efforts to enrich their children’s lives. Let’s support them, and remember that we have all been there.

Embrace Your MOMentum

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Dream Big!

Ask my son on any given day what he wants to be when he grows up, and you will be greeted with a myriad of answers, but the one consistency within his answers is that they‘re always grand – not grand in prestige necessarily – but grand in ambition. I always ask for more details about his budding interest of the moment, and fortunately, my son loves to elaborate. I like listening to the thread of his futuristic thoughts. However, what I enjoy the most is that at age 4 he is already aiming high.

I want my children to aim high and dream big.  Who doesn’t? However, it is more than just that. I want my children to understand that they are indeed capable of reaching their goals no matter how far-reaching. Of course, dreaming big is open to interpretation. I certainly don’t want my kids to be stressed out or consumed with their next achievement, but the point is that I want my children to do something that deeply and richly fulfills them. I want them to believe that they can accomplish anything that they set their minds to. I want them to feel limitless.  I want them to believe in themselves and create lives that satisfy their great expectations.

This may seem too metaphysical, but the truth is that the mind is a powerful thing. Often, it is our own thoughts that place us in mental prisons. We set limited expectations and convince ourselves that we can’t be too impressive, too strong, too successful or too capable. Instead, our restricted thoughts say that we must settle: settle for a life of slight dissatisfaction, monotony or mediocrity. We let these constrained thoughts persuade us that our current circumstances are as good as it gets, that this is the best that we can do, be or feel. This is quite frankly both sad and untrue. The truth is that we can free ourselves from the shackles of our constrained thoughts at any time and indeed at any age.

I don’t know the root cause of our cerebral incarceration, but I do know that it is born of fear. We fear the devastation of reaching for the stars only to fall short. We fear the disappointment, the rejection, and perhaps we fear the realities of success itself. I know that I have had my challenges in this regard, but I don’t want to pass fear on to my children as though it is genetic. No, I will look fear in the eye and dare to dream big. I will teach my children to do the same and lead through example.

At the conclusion of my son’s extensive explanation of his adulthood plans, he looks me in the eyes with a curious expression and says, “Mommy, I can be anything I want to be, right?” “Right” I say, and right I believe.

Embrace Your MOMentum

If you’d like to share your story, email us at info@devynbag.com

Advice for My Sister: Breastfeeding and Beyond

My sister recently gave birth to her first child. Like all newly-appointed mothers, she is navigating the unfamiliar waters with bravery. Also like most new mothers, she is trying to answer all of her pressing motherhood questions alone. Knowing this, I called to check in on her one morning. I heard the dread in her voice instantly. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “My boobs are so big and full of milk that I’m having difficulty nursing,” she answered sheepishly. “My son is screaming with hunger, and I’m scared that I won’t be able to breastfeed.” That sentence took me back, as I had the same concern days after my first child was born. I vividly remember frantically phoning my girlfriend and describing to her my painful, extremely swollen, rock hard breasts and my inability to breastfeed. It was then that I learned about engorged breasts and how to remedy. I relayed the story to my sister and heard the familiar sigh of relief when I gave her the same advice that I had been given.

A few days later I stopped by my sister’s house. This time, we discussed her seemingly erratic emotions. “Yesterday, I felt so confident. I thought I can handle anything motherhood throws at me. Today, I feel like I’m just terrible at this,” she confessed. Again, I could relate. I gently reminded her that she had given birth only days ago and that her body was flush with hormones. “Of course you are feeling irregular right now. Your body’s hormone levels are all over the map” I assured her. Then, I divulged that I had cried almost every night in the weeks after my first child was born. I would put him in his crib for the night, explain to my husband that I needed to take a bath, sit in the bathtub and sob. In truth, it was the only place that I felt free to express myself, as I worried that if people were aware of my sadness they would think me a bad mother or unappreciative of my new baby.  It wasn’t until later that I learned that 70% of new moms suffer from the “baby blues” after birth.

On my drive home, I started thinking about the many things that never get discussed despite you and your doctor’s best intentions during pregnancy. The sleepless hours are certainly mentioned, but the magnitude of the fatigue, especially during your infant’s first few months of life, gets lost in translation. The constant worry is acknowledged, but one can never clearly convey how the worry follows you even when things are going well. I recollect the terror that I felt the first time my child slept through a very early morning feeding. I raced to my child’s room worried that he had passed away in the night and the absolute elation I felt when I found him sleeping soundly in his crib.

These are the things that are oft forgotten or rarely discussed during the baby shower, in discussions with friends and family, or during numerous Doctor’s appointments: being a new mother is tough! There are countless moments when you simply don’t have the answer; you don’t know how to stop your child’s tears. There are endless times when you question your judgment even when you believe you have found the right answer. There are many instances when an unintended comment or some unsolicited advice will make you feel like you’re a terrible mother.  However, in between all of the tough times, there are an infinite amount of miracles: the first time your baby really stares into your eyes, the first time your baby falls asleep on you, and the first time your baby gives you a huge toothless grin.  These wondrous moments seem to erase all the challenges, breastfeeding and beyond, that new mothers face. These precious times consume your thoughts. This is what you will remember. It is these everyday miracles that make motherhood profound. As one wise woman said, “motherhood is the shortest and steepest path to enlightenment.” Enjoy the climb!

Embrace Your MOMentum

If you’d like to share your story, email us at info@devynbag.com