Date Night

Life is busy. There are no two ways about it, and our house feels perpetually full of activity. It is no wonder that more often than not, my husband and I are fast asleep by 9:00 p.m. We’re worn out! While a good night’s sleep is a necessity these days, I have to admit it doesn’t bode well for frequent and open communication with your spouse.

For me, communication with my spouse is absolutely critical. Actually, communication in all my relationships is imperative – I’m a talker. What can I say? I need to talk through ideas, emotions, and even passing thoughts, so dialogue with those close to me is key. Without it, I feel disconnected and lonely. I know it is silly, but it is true.

However, when you have two energetic children, two working parents, and a full schedule, it seems communication with your husband is the first thing to go. I’ve noticed this repeatedly over the last few years. My husband and I will go days or at times a week or two without really connecting. We speak to each other sporadically as we address the needs of our children which could be during play time with the kids, over meals or anything in between, but the communication is disjointed, often interrupted, and far from satisfying.

As a result, I’ve reevaluated my position on date nights.  I remember when I was single, the idea of date nights seemed somewhat sad. The concept of literally scheduling a night to connect with the person you love seemed to zap it of all romance. Now, in my wiser years, I can see why couples have decided to add date night to their calendars. It is something to look forward to when the busy days turn into weeks. It is the guarantee of a connection, and an opportunity to cherish each other and the life that you’re building together.

That’s it, I’ve convinced myself. I’m adding date night to my calendar! I’m investing in my marriage and in myself because communication is important. Let people call it lame, lacking in spontaneity or just plain sad. I for one don’t care. I care about connecting with the person that I have chosen – and would happily choose again - to spend the rest of my life with. Date night? Can’t Wait!

Embrace Your MOMentum

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Remembering to Breathe

As a mom with more than one child, a full-time job, the person in charge of cleaning, baths, and everything in between, there are days when I feel overwhelmed! I know that I’m not alone in this regard, and every mother everywhere can relate. Of course, I feel extremely blessed to have two beautiful children to take care of, not to mention a husband that can cook, but there are those days when both kids are having dueling meltdowns or just general crankiness (mine and theirs) that I have to remind myself to take a moment and breathe.

I had one of these moments recently when my daughter awoke a few hours after going to bed for the night convinced that she had merely taken a late night nap. She proceeded to take turns between screaming, whining, and crying until well past 2 o’clock in the morning. I felt badly for her, and I tried to console her, but she is extremely willful (thankfully, as this will serve her well in life especially as a female) and it didn’t work. I then tried singing to her, ignoring her for no more than 10 minutes at a time (a trick our Pediatrician thought us), laying her back down in her crib repeatedly, and everything else that I could think of, but it was to no avail. She was awake, and everyone in our house – perhaps everyone on our block - knew about it!

In earnest, I think my sleep deprivation weakened my ability to handle the situation, and as a result, my attempts to remedy were ineffective at best. Finally in the early hours of the morning, I decided to try rocking her back to sleep – oh yes, the rocking chair - how I love thee! The rocking chair worked like a charm, and my daughter and I were finally able to get a few hours of much-needed sleep.

The next morning, and several cups of coffee later, I asked myself why I hadn’t rocked her back to sleep immediately? The rocking chair is my go-to answer for virtually all that ails. It was then that I realized that had I have taken a moment to collect my thoughts and let out a few deep breathes (insert Yoga ums here) then I would have known exactly what to do. Instead, I raced around frantically which made me feel even more frenzied. When I make a concerted effort to stop, center myself, and breathe everything begins to flow anew. This is what Buddhists call letting your water settle.

This is one of the major principles that I wish to teach my children: when things feel stressful, anxious or otherwise you need to take a few minutes for quiet reflection. Doing so will result in better decision making as well as a more productive and peaceful existence.

Embrace Your MOMentum

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Let's Play

“Let’s make cars talk,” my son says as we navigate the stairs first thing in the morning. “OK sweetie,” I sleepily respond. This is pretty much our morning ritual. My son awakes early in the morning and immediately asks if we can play cars together. He loves to make up stories about his toy cars, and nothing thrills him more than when I play along, asking questions in a high-pitched car voice, racing around the house together and being fully engaged.

My daughter is too young to ask for a play date with mom, but she is adept at making her specific request clear. Most of the time, it involves bouncing on her soft toy donkey, on my belly, or dancing in circles until we’re ridiculously and breathlessly dizzy. Both of my children delight in all play activities and/or generally fooling around.

Of course, I have my moments when there seem to be five hundred pressing things to tackle and playing with my little ones is not a possibility, but more often than not, I make it a point to put play time on my priority list. I place it on my “to do” list for many reasons. The first is that I know my play dates with my children are finite. The simple truth is that there will come a day when my children decide that playing with mom is low on their list of priorities, and I will be replaced by the neighborhood kids, an iPad (oh, not ready for that one) or something else that is more appealing. I’m acutely aware of this fact, and I know it is inevitable so if right now my kids entertainment of choice is mom than bring it on!



The second is that children need and crave play time. Their brains thrive on the imagination that ensues as they turn an ordinary basement into a magical and magnificent castle complete with knights, horses, princesses, and kings. Their bodies relish the exercise of running, jumping, and dancing as they fend off dragons, sea monsters, and witches. But more than anything, they bask in feeling your love, presence, and appreciation for being what they are: fun-loving kids.

The third is that quite honestly it is good for the soul. In fact, I often find that when I put other issues at bay and lay on the floor with my kids for some good old fashion wrestling, tickling or messing around that I feel relaxed, refreshed, and genuinely happy - I too have fun. If everyone could spend a portion of the day playing and giggling with someone that they love, the world would be a better place - just imagine the possibilities. So, here’s to savoring play time with our children and honoring the kid in all of us.



Embrace Your MOMentum

If you'd like to share your story, please email us at info@devynbag.com