Learning to Fly

by Amy Fisher

Oh, how I remember so well my very first “Mama’s Getaway” trip after the birth of my daughter. It was something that had been planned before I’d even known I was to be a mother. So nine months after I had Ella, I packed my bags and prepared to fly the nest, visions of delicious sleep and solitude filling my head. The thoughts of which were exhilarating … and terrifying.

In theory, it sounded like a dream. But when it came time to say goodbye to my baby and husband, I was overwhelmed as a huge lump formed in my throat. Tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. Seriously, I thought, this is a good thing. You need to do this for yourself – and for them. So, with the resolve to get out there and have a good time, I kissed them both good-bye, grabbed my gazillion bags and boarded the plane.

The first half of my four-day trip wasn’t what I expected. I felt disoriented and very alone … as if I was missing some vital part of my being. I kept checking my bags to make sure I had everything. All of the attention I had been used to directing to someone else for the past nine months was now available for me to focus on ME. And I had no idea what to do with it. It felt weird and frivolous to only think about myself.

Throw into the mix my breast-pumping sessions every four hours (as a very inexperienced traveling nursing mom), and it was more work and frustration than I bargained for. First of all, I had a cheapie hand pump that took twice as long, if not more, than my good old electric one at home. It made my fingers cramp and had zero suction. Thinking I was oh so clever, I had opted to travel light. So light, in fact, that I’d also forgotten to bring along a good storage system for my breast milk. There was no question that I was going to continue pumping to keep my breast milk supply up, but I was forced to pump and dump the entire trip. Alas, I came home empty handed … and with a really sore hand. Next go round with my second baby, I am going to bring along my Devyn Bag on solo trips. It’s so style-y that I’m not going to be embarrassed hauling it to the ladies room for a mid-happy hour pump sesh. And with its 12-hour cold storage section (complete with its own ice pack), I know I won’t be agonizing over spilled milk, so to speak. Lessons learned.

So, the entire trip was not a complete bust. In fact, it was a phenomenal experience being on my own those four days. All pumping hassles aside, I did settle down and begin to revel in the “me time.” I found my groove. I missed my baby and husband, yes, but I also came to the understanding that doing something without them and for me did not mean I loved them any less. It did not mean I was a “bad mother” for wanting this time alone. I later learned it’s called mother’s guilt – that feeling when we reprimand ourselves for doing or even wanting to do something that’s solely ours. It’s taken me a long time to push past this martyr-like thinking, and I’m still learning how to hush the guilty voice that surfaces when I do something just for me. Whether it’s a four-day trip to a tropical paradise all on my own, or simply asking my husband to watch our daughter while I take a bath (and that seriously ranks right up there with a trip these days!), I know that these little moments recharge my spirit, restore my perspective, and bring me back to my family a better wife, mother … person in general. I am learning to accept that I deserve these moments. Every mother deserves them. So next time you find yourself completely frazzled and depleted, do something wild … embrace your MOMentum. Ask for what you deserve. And enjoy it!

Amy Fisher is a regular contributor to the Devyn Bag Blog.

If you'd like to share your own story, email us at info@thedevynbag.com.

The Art of Adaptability

Adaptability, this word is forever in the forefront of my mind because as a mother of two small children the ability to go with the flow, modify plans, and change direction at a moments notice is a necessary attribute. I'm constantly reminded of this when I'm eagerly anticipating the "perfect day" with my children, which incidentally could be a variety of fun activities, and out of nowhere, I realize that I can no longer do what I intended.

More often than not, my abrupt course change is a result of a sick child, but it truly can be a number of unexpected occurences. In fact, just the other day, we invited our neighbors over for dinner and a playdate with the kids. I was cleaning the house when I heard my infant crying only to discover that she had thrown up during her nap. After the bath and subsequent clean up, I phoned our friends to reschedule. I had a similar experience with my son one particularly tired and cranky afternoon, and once again, I had to modify my plans on the fly. Don't even get me started on the number of times, my husband and I have had to cancel "date nights" or other plans. The irony is that I have difficulty handling my own disappointment. This is obviously foolish, but as a working mother, I look forward to the hours of play time with my children, alone time with my husband, or otherwise.

As a result, I have developed some helpful tips to avoid getting derailed.

Tip #1 - I always notify my children of our intended "fun" plans a day or hours sometimes before the event. This helps to alleviate any saddness from my children, and it keeps my mind in a "wait and see" mode which for some reason helps when plans get foiled.

Tip #2 - Always have a back-up babysitter, or in our case, two back-up babysitters. It's amazing that even when we schedule babysitters weeks in advance last minute and unavoidable changes happen. Do the work of finding another great babysitter or two now, and you won't have to worry about postponing another romantic night out.

Tip #3 - Don't sweat the small stuff. In truth, play dates, trips to the zoo, and dinners out can always be rescheduled. It is not worth getting stressed or upset about. Rather, this is the reality of being a parent. As the old saying goes, "the best laid plans..." My advise: stay focused on the important things.

Tip #4 - I always pack my Devyn Bag with plenty of snacks for my kids. This helps to eliminate any hunger meltdowns once we arrive at our destination. Nothing ruins a day of fun like a ravenous little one.

Embrace Your MOMentum.