Honoring Independence on Independence Day

Its official, I’m proud of being an American. I don’t necessarily go out of my way to highlight my feelings – no American flag earrings for me - but the simple truth is that I love the diversity of the American people, our history, culture, and country.

This affinity carries over to the products that I purchase. I’m always delighted to see the Made in the USA symbol, and that is particularly true when I’m impressed with a product. However, it would be disingenuous, and certainly inaccurate, if I implied that I will not purchase items produced abroad because I do and will. In fact, it is difficult not to, as so many products are manufactured overseas. Nonetheless, there is just something about a well-made, high-quality product that is produced right here.

One reason, I enjoy purchasing US made products is because of the impact (albeit moderate) to our economy. It may sound overly simplistic, but I like knowing that my dollars are going toward sustaining, and in some cases creating, American jobs. That is not to say that I don’t realize the value of a global economy, but rather, I appreciate knowing that my business is helping put American people to work.

It was with this affinity that I sought to manufacture the Devyn Bag in the United States, and I’m pleased to say that the Devyn Bag is 100% made in the USA. When I embarked on this endeavor many thoughtful people advised against it. They warned that the product would be too expensive to produce. They warned that our margins would suffer, and they pleaded that consumers in this country don’t really care where something is produced, but rather, “they just want the product to be inexpensive.” These well-meaning advisers even mentioned that virtually no other bags are made in the United States. Many of these concerns are true, but that did not change my resolve.

My determination was not altered because I care, and I believe that I am not alone in this sentiment. I believe that many people are willing to pay a little bit more for a high-quality, cleverly designed, long-lasting, and carefully constructed product that is made right here at home. True, it will not be the absolute cheapest product on the market, but it will likely be the best or quite close because, as I said, there is just something to be said for a US made product.

Happy 4th of July!

Embrace Your MOMentum

SuperMom

by Amy Fisher

So, the other day I was having one of those really deep, heart-to-hearts with a good friend, also a mother of a two-year-old. We were in the middle of a nice dinner contemplating things I could have only imagined prior to having kids. Here’s how the conversation went: “So, which character from The Fresh Beat Band do you like best?” “For sure Kiki. She’s so cute and bubbly. But, you know, her laugh used to really annoy me.”

You know, it’s strange how opinionated and attached (or not) we can become to all of the characters in our kids’ TV and toy lives even though they are clearly fictional. I never once thought I’d have an opinion on Mr. Noodles, but I do (and I’ll keep it to myself). But the one fictional character who I think holds one of the strongest influences over many moms is not one that can be found on PBS; it’s the character that we’ve fabricated ourselves—SuperMom. You know who she is, we all do. She recovered from childbirth in a day, always looks fresh as a daisy (even at the gym), never loses her cool in the cracker aisle when her child begs for “bunny crackers” (actually, her child never whines), serves a nutritious piping hot (non-microwaved) dinner every night at 5pm with a smile, and then has a meaningful 20-minute conversation with hubby while the kids quietly enjoy their lightly steamed organic veggies … and the list goes on. She’s omnipotent; after all, she’s a superhero. Ever notice how she shows up right on time, taking the form of whatever insecurity we might be harboring that day?

And, let’s be honest, we never feel good about ourselves when she’s around. Why? Because SuperMom is a figment of our imaginations. She represents all of our own personal insecurities and perceived shortcomings. So … measuring ourselves against unrealistically high expectations and perfection will, inevitably, make us feel less than. Every. Single. Time.

Why do we keep the SuperMom notion around and continually allow it to defeat us then? We are all striving to be the best parents we can be; the weight of parenthood is heavy if you think about it. We’re given the enormous, challenging and important task of guiding and raising little people. In doing so, all of our own “stuff” (ie. fears, issues, etc.) comes bubbling up to the surface. It makes sense … in trying to teach life lessons to our children, our own “stuff” pops up out of nowhere. Kids are amazing little teachers like that, as I am reminded on a daily basis.

So what can we do to get rid of, or at least minimize, the SuperMom mentality?

Regain perspective.
Thoughts of SuperMom tend to snowball and then somehow we lose sight of the important things … like the happiness of our children and ourselves. My personal gauge that helps me regain perspective is asking myself: Are we (my child, my husband, me) happy? Is this in the best interest of my daughter? Who is this really about? Take a look at some things you can “let go of” and see how your world does NOT fall apart! You might find yourself with more time, more happiness, and less worry about what others will think.

Debunk the myth.
Nothing stirs up the SuperMom syndrome more than word of mouth. “How does she do it all?” “She’s seriously, like, the best mother of all time.” Instead, being authentic in our interactions, and giving compliments, encouragement and support to one another go a long way to keeping SuperMom away.

Get a mantra.
Keep negative thoughts at bay by adopting a positive mantra. Sounds cheesy? It works. For example, I am currently pregnant and am a stay-at-home mom to a busy little two-year-old. The entire first trimester of my pregnancy, I held onto the insecurity that I wasn’t doing enough or being enough for my family. During the weeks of morning sickness, I was constantly feeling guilty that my daughter watched more TV than I was comfortable with because I needed to lie down for a while. Or the fact that my aversion to my entire kitchen kept me from making “well balanced dinners” every single night. Hello, SuperMom complex! Once I realized that I was doing the best I could at that moment, all things considered, I felt better. So that became my mantra and reminder: I am doing the best I can at this moment.

Shift your focus.
SuperMom syndrome tends to spin out of control when we are focusing solely on ourselves and looking to external sources to validate our insecurities. It is a fear-based reaction. Shift your focus to your child. Focus on making conscious choices for the good of your child, and I guarantee SuperMom will fade into the background.

Realize she’s not REAL.
When SuperMom creeps up and she seems to be everywhere, take a step back to look at what’s really going on in your own head and heart. Are you feeling insecure about something? How can you take care of that fear, and then shift your focus to your child? Every one of us has days that we feel on top of our parental game, untouchable, like we have this thing figured out. And then there are the other days we aren’t so sure. We are all human and we are all just doing the best we can for our children, right at this very moment.

Embrace your MOMentum.

Amy Fisher is a regular and loved contributor to the Devyn Bag Blog.

If you'd like to share your story, email us at info@thedevynbag.com

Insecurity is Part of Motherhood

“Noooo” my daughter squealed as I tried to take her from our childcare provider. It was heart-wrenching. I was already feeling insecure about the relationship between my career, and my ability to be adequately present as a mother, but this was the topper. All day long, I had been second-guessing my every decision or action. I was worrying that my child wasn’t feeling loved enough, special enough or having the appropriate amount of mommy time. After all, it is tough to see your children favor someone over you, if only temporarily, and not question your role as a mother.

As luck would have it, a few days later I was chatting with a friend of mine who is a stay-at-home mom. Over coffee, she shared how, as of late, her 14 month old daughter seemed to prefer most everyone - even random strangers - to her. The timing of her story was so ironic that I almost spit out my delicious coffee! “Really?” I said. Not having heard my reply, my friend went on to confide that she feared the cause of her daughter’s new-found anti-mom behavior was because she was a stay-at-home mom and perhaps her daughter spent too much time with her. I had to laugh! My laugh caught the attention of my friend. “What’s so funny?” she asked a little hurt. I then explained that my daughter was doing the very same thing, but that I was blaming the exact opposite cause – I was blaming the fact that I work outside the home.

As mothers, we naturally are mindful of the impact that our decisions are having on our children. At the same time, I think it is easy to question our decisions . . . to read our own sensitivities and insecurities into some scenarios. Considering that raising happy, healthy children is the highest priority to us mothers, I think we can develop a rawness or sensitivity to certain stages. To this end, I believe it is crucial to remember that children develop through a series of phases which means that not every squeal, frustration, or momentary favoritism should be taken seriously, let alone, personally. Rather, we need to remind ourselves that children do odd things from time to time. Their moods can shift quickly, as can their actions, and peculiar developmental phases will often pass before you can hope or need to address.

I have noticed this with my daughter. Most of the time, she is a happy little toddler. She smiles and laughs almost constantly, but there are times when nothing satisfies her, and I know it is not the result of lack of sleep, hunger, teething challenges, or a dirty diaper - it just is. I like to think of it, as growing pains, but I’m sure there is a much more accurate developmental term or explanation. Nonetheless, the fact remains that children are just little people with good days (mostly) and some bad.

The point is that often mothers hold themselves to impeccable standards. We want our children to be happy every second of the day. More than that, we believe that it is our role to make them happy, and we seek perfection in our every move. Yet, it is this unrealistically high-standard that causes us the most grief.

I believe that we should give our best to our children, and we should strive to provide what our children need. But! We should also remember that beating ourselves up at every turn only serves to demoralize us: It doesn’t foster the type of parent we want to be, and it doesn’t change the outcome. Beyond that, our insecurities more often than not prove ill-founded. Instead, let’s focus our efforts on loving our children. If you ask me, this is the best way to ensure that we’re raising happy children.

Embrace Your MOMEntum.