SuperMom

by Amy Fisher

So, the other day I was having one of those really deep, heart-to-hearts with a good friend, also a mother of a two-year-old. We were in the middle of a nice dinner contemplating things I could have only imagined prior to having kids. Here’s how the conversation went: “So, which character from The Fresh Beat Band do you like best?” “For sure Kiki. She’s so cute and bubbly. But, you know, her laugh used to really annoy me.”

You know, it’s strange how opinionated and attached (or not) we can become to all of the characters in our kids’ TV and toy lives even though they are clearly fictional. I never once thought I’d have an opinion on Mr. Noodles, but I do (and I’ll keep it to myself). But the one fictional character who I think holds one of the strongest influences over many moms is not one that can be found on PBS; it’s the character that we’ve fabricated ourselves—SuperMom. You know who she is, we all do. She recovered from childbirth in a day, always looks fresh as a daisy (even at the gym), never loses her cool in the cracker aisle when her child begs for “bunny crackers” (actually, her child never whines), serves a nutritious piping hot (non-microwaved) dinner every night at 5pm with a smile, and then has a meaningful 20-minute conversation with hubby while the kids quietly enjoy their lightly steamed organic veggies … and the list goes on. She’s omnipotent; after all, she’s a superhero. Ever notice how she shows up right on time, taking the form of whatever insecurity we might be harboring that day?

And, let’s be honest, we never feel good about ourselves when she’s around. Why? Because SuperMom is a figment of our imaginations. She represents all of our own personal insecurities and perceived shortcomings. So … measuring ourselves against unrealistically high expectations and perfection will, inevitably, make us feel less than. Every. Single. Time.

Why do we keep the SuperMom notion around and continually allow it to defeat us then? We are all striving to be the best parents we can be; the weight of parenthood is heavy if you think about it. We’re given the enormous, challenging and important task of guiding and raising little people. In doing so, all of our own “stuff” (ie. fears, issues, etc.) comes bubbling up to the surface. It makes sense … in trying to teach life lessons to our children, our own “stuff” pops up out of nowhere. Kids are amazing little teachers like that, as I am reminded on a daily basis.

So what can we do to get rid of, or at least minimize, the SuperMom mentality?

Regain perspective.
Thoughts of SuperMom tend to snowball and then somehow we lose sight of the important things … like the happiness of our children and ourselves. My personal gauge that helps me regain perspective is asking myself: Are we (my child, my husband, me) happy? Is this in the best interest of my daughter? Who is this really about? Take a look at some things you can “let go of” and see how your world does NOT fall apart! You might find yourself with more time, more happiness, and less worry about what others will think.

Debunk the myth.
Nothing stirs up the SuperMom syndrome more than word of mouth. “How does she do it all?” “She’s seriously, like, the best mother of all time.” Instead, being authentic in our interactions, and giving compliments, encouragement and support to one another go a long way to keeping SuperMom away.

Get a mantra.
Keep negative thoughts at bay by adopting a positive mantra. Sounds cheesy? It works. For example, I am currently pregnant and am a stay-at-home mom to a busy little two-year-old. The entire first trimester of my pregnancy, I held onto the insecurity that I wasn’t doing enough or being enough for my family. During the weeks of morning sickness, I was constantly feeling guilty that my daughter watched more TV than I was comfortable with because I needed to lie down for a while. Or the fact that my aversion to my entire kitchen kept me from making “well balanced dinners” every single night. Hello, SuperMom complex! Once I realized that I was doing the best I could at that moment, all things considered, I felt better. So that became my mantra and reminder: I am doing the best I can at this moment.

Shift your focus.
SuperMom syndrome tends to spin out of control when we are focusing solely on ourselves and looking to external sources to validate our insecurities. It is a fear-based reaction. Shift your focus to your child. Focus on making conscious choices for the good of your child, and I guarantee SuperMom will fade into the background.

Realize she’s not REAL.
When SuperMom creeps up and she seems to be everywhere, take a step back to look at what’s really going on in your own head and heart. Are you feeling insecure about something? How can you take care of that fear, and then shift your focus to your child? Every one of us has days that we feel on top of our parental game, untouchable, like we have this thing figured out. And then there are the other days we aren’t so sure. We are all human and we are all just doing the best we can for our children, right at this very moment.

Embrace your MOMentum.

Amy Fisher is a regular and loved contributor to the Devyn Bag Blog.

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