by Amy Fisher
“Mommy’s
grumpy!” It was a definite statement of fact—not even a question. My sweet
two-year-old plopped into my lap like a cat and patted my arm, her huge blue
eyes smiling and sympathetic. She said it again, “Mommy’s grumpy.” Period. “Oh
no, no …” the words automatically flew out of my mouth. I was just about to
tell her I was fine when it hit me. She was right. I was totally not fine. I had spent the week going at
warp speed on little sleep, no down time, no exercise, denying I was even a wee
bit tired at eight months pregnant, and most certainly denying to myself that,
yes, I did feel grumpy. What was more shocking to me than the fact that my
toddler called me on it was the fact that I hadn’t even noticed! Hellooooo … it
was another one of those “learning moments” for me as a parent that come from
one of my wisest little teachers.
Around my house
we’ve been talking a lot about feelings lately—particularly my child’s. It’s
that developmental stage my daughter is in where she’s articulating her
feelings, labeling them, talking about why she feels this or that. And the
thing that blows my mind about her—and children in general—is their absolute
honesty and insight into their emotions. It’s definitely something that we, as
parents and adults, would benefit from observing, re-learning, and emulating.
Children are amazing little beings and it’s quite a privilege to be a parent,
able to see the world again vicariously through the purest of lenses. It’s
worth noting the way they “feel” the world and maybe trying to apply some of
that to our own grown-up lives. We just might feel a little less “grumpy”
sometimes. Here are a few observations I’ve made to illustrate the lesson I
learned today:
Kids own their
feelings. Plain and simple. There’s no denying a feeling for a child. When a
feeling pops up, they are quick to acknowledge it. They don’t hide it or put on
a false front for the sake of social graces. How many times have you asked
someone how they are, and through gritted teeth or sad eyes they say, “I’m
fine! How are you?” Or, in my case, they don’t go about their day pretending to
themselves that everything is peachy keen, when it’s not. Nope, kids stop and
greet the feeling. Like the other day in my daughter’s tumbling class. All the
other toddlers were romping around the mats, swinging from the trapezes, and
skipping from one activity to the next. My daughter was doing the same when all
of a sudden, she stopped, laid down svasana-style on a big blue mat and said,
“Ella feels tired. Need a rest.” Literally five seconds later, she popped up
and went about her business, feeling restored. She didn’t care what any of the
other kids thought of her as they hopped and played around her resting spot.
Perhaps if I would’ve followed her lead today and acknowledged my own fatigue,
taken a rest, and then moved on, I would not have ended up grumpy. Which leads
me to my next point …
Kids feel their
feelings. And then let them go. How many times have you gotten upset about
something, allowed it to hang around (or even denied that it upset you), and
then it morphed into a bigger deal than it should have been later on? It’s
emotional baggage, and we’re good about hauling it around as adults. We seem to
be really attached to our feelings. Children, on the other hand, greet their
feelings head on and really “feel” them, expressing them … and afterwards, they
let them go. No grudges, no revisits months later, no shame. Have you ever seen
the movie Babies? If not, you should.
It’s filled with countless examples of how little ones easily express and process
their feelings. There are rage-filled tantrums, moments of pure bliss with tiny
smiles so wide it makes your heart melt, and even moments of babies feeling
sadness that might make you cry. But you’ll notice that after every strong show
of emotion, little ones continue on about their day, almost as if it never
happened. That’s because they aren’t attached to any one feeling and they
accept that it’s a natural part of life. I think we’ve forgotten this as grown
ups.
Kids do not
judge their feelings. This is my favorite. In teaching my daughter about
feelings, I am reminded that labels such as “good feelings” and “bad feelings”
are ones that grown-ups have made up. To a child, there’s neither good nor bad
… a feeling just is. As adults, we tend to hold onto the good feelings and deny
or shy away from any of the bad ones. We are uncomfortable with sadness, anger,
or fear and often distract ourselves if we even so much as suspect they might
occur. Or we apologize to others for feeling something “bad” … “I’m sorry I’m
really upset right now … “ Why be sorry?
As a parent, the
most important take-away from all of this is the fact that our children are
keenly in tune to not only their own emotions, but ours as well. Even if your
child isn’t old enough to talk, or even if he or she doesn’t seem to be aware
of your moods, they are. They are absorbing everything in their environment
including your energy. I was reminded today that even if my actions don’t
outwardly reflect my mood, my child still feels it and is affected by it. This
doesn’t mean pretending that everything is perfect (when it’s not) for the sake
of harmony at home—because children have great bullshit detectors as well. To
me, it simply means being more in tune with my feelings so that I can name
them, feel them, and then let them go so that they don’t become something more that
unnecessarily affects my child.
So the coolest
part about my little lesson today was the fact that after I told my daughter,
yes, mommy feels grumpy and thank you for noticing, she put her hands up to my
face and said, “I lovvvvvvve my Mommy!” You can rest assured that my grouchy
mood melted into a giant puddle, and I felt loved and happy the rest of the
day.
Embrace Your MOMentum
Amy Fisher is a regular and loved contributor to the Devyn Bag Blog.
If you'd like to share your story, email us at info@devynbag.com
