Debunking the Motherhood Myth

Prior to having my children, I was frequently exposed to romantic images of motherhood. Whether portrayed through television, novel or fairytale, the starry-eyed descriptions were consistent; being a competent mother is innate. The perception that motherhood isn’t learned but rather naturally resides inside of every woman is a myth that has been perpetuated in our society.

In fact, motherhood has been idealistically cloaked for so long that it has become a modern day hurdle for many first-time mothers. The perception that new mothers instantly know how to sooth, breastfeed, bath, heal, and everything in between has undoubtedly left its stain on every mother that has been unable to live up to this naïve impression. I remember my deep humiliation when I realized days after my son’s birth that motherhood did not come naturally to me. My son had something akin to colic in the early days of infancy, and at the time, I had no idea how to remedy. I vividly recall someone telling me that as a mother you could tell the difference between your baby’s cries – there was a distinct cry for hunger, one for poopy diapers, and a different one for discomfort or pain. This statement left me paralyzed when I realized that I could not tell the differences in my son’s sobs, as all of his cries sounded equally distressed. My son would weep,and I would immediately change his diaper, feed him, rock him, walk him up and down the stairs (at least it was good exercise) as well as a million other experiments in search of relief until we were both completely exhausted. The fact that I could not decipher his cries or the problem, as clearly all other mothers were able, made me feel worse than incompetent. It made me feel negligent.

I remember a similar occurrence when, after two weeks of delaying my son’s first bath out of fear that I would accidentally drown him or otherwise, my mother-in-law advised me that newborn babies should be bathed in the sink. Again I had no idea, and I was embarrassed by my lack of knowledge. Once I tried this approach, I realized that it was much easier to hold a slippery infant over the sink as opposed to the bathtub.

There were countless other mothering skills that I developed through trial and error, but I did not discover them until I gave myself permission to shatter the myth. I started by being honest with those closest to me. I spoke to other mothers and asked about their experiences. I took advice from my family members (I didn’t always follow but I listened). I went to the pediatrician’s office with a list of questions, some of which were ridiculous in hindsight, but I needed to learn. I even attended a support group for mothers. Most importantly, I tried different tactics to see what worked best for my children.

Two kids and a lot of hard work later, I still have much to learn. This is the truth, and there is no shame in that. It turns out that competency in motherhood, just as competency in life, requires experience.

Embrace Your MOMentum

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